Peter Pan

Today I was watching Peter Pan. The movie, not the cartoon. It’s such a cute movie, that boy, I can’t remember his name but he’s just so adorable, his smile and his laughter are so cute, it’s like he’s always up to something. And when he convinces Wendy to go to Neverland with him who could say no to those eyes and smile, right? Anyway, it’s not just because of the boy that I like the movie. The scene when Peter gets kissed by Wendy near the end of the movie and gets him all purple and flying up in the air is just really romantic, at least I think so. The effect of a kiss. I wish that happened to me more often. Last time I had a kiss like that was with my last boyfriend who turned out to be a loser and a bad guy. And it also got me thinking about this really bad pattern in my life. I once had a guy completely in love with me back in high school. He was cute and I liked flirting with him, I actually liked him. But the minute we started going out it all lost its appeal for me. Where was the fun if I already had the guy, I thought then. Of course I was just 16, what did I know about love and relationships, right? Maybe with time, as I grew older I’d also grow wiser... didn’t happen. My first real boyfriend. I was 20 when we started going out. I never wanted to go out with him in the first place, he was more like a friend to me and I treated him as such, never encouraged him or anything. But my friends pressured me, saying he was such a great guy and liked me so much and blah, blah, blah. We went out, we kissed. Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. Not then, not any time he kissed me. We were together for less than three months. It was a bad breakup and I came out the bad guy in the story and I don’t blame anyone for calling me so. I treated him like dirt and he didn’t deserve it, never. I value him now, I realize I was an ass for treating him the way I did, but I don’t wish we were back together, what I do wish is that we became friends again. But I don’t think that’s gonna happen, not after what I did to him after we broke up. I made out with a complete stranger right in front of him. This complete stranger became later my loser, bad boyfriend. The kiss was amazing, like Peter Pan amazing, but the relationship... we were together for 4 or 5 months, my record actually. He tried to get more out of me than what I was willing to give, there was tension and there was a break-up. I cried like I never thought I would cry or could cry. And in front of my mom too. I remember saying two days before he broke up with me (cause I knew he wanted to break up): "I don’t want him to break up with me, I love him." And I did love him. And I hated him later for treating me the way he did. This time I didn’t deserve it, but maybe I was paying for my wrong deeds, I don’t know. Starting to see the pattern? Well, listen to this now, you’re going to love this: I have a thing for my boss. He’s not handsome, and you have to really look at him to see something even cute in him, he’s not a nice guy, he’s conceited, sometimes arrogant and he likes to gloat about his work. He is a very talented guy, he does his work greatly and he really can boast about it, but it’s hard to stand a person who likes to brag about themselves most of the time. But he does have a real sexy voice. It’s grave and loud and I melt every time he calls my name, or nickname actually since everyone calls me by my nickname. He’s thirteen years older than me and I wish that was the problem. He’s got a woman, not a wife, he’s not married, but does have a partner for over ten years. They moved in together last year, they have no kids and from what I could witness so far he’s kind of a commitment phobic who really wishes no kids of his own. Now the kick: his partner, also my boss. They own the office together. But she’s such a bitch, like really a bitch. She’s not nice, really not outgoing, complains about anything and everything... I like flirting with him, I can’t help it, and I’ve caught him checking me out a few times, it makes me feel good when I see him looking at me. I’m insane, right? But I also think I’m leaving this job, not because of him, but because of my school schedule. I’m graduating in December so my hours are really crazy. But after 5 and a half years, who’s complaining, I’m rejoicing I’m leaving that hellhole they like to call University. I guess time does fly. I was talking to my brother about Peter Pan and he got all depressed about it. He asked me if it didn’t make me sad watching this kids’ movies and listening to songs we used to listen to when we were children. I’m almost 23 and he turns 22 in June so it’s been a while since we’ve heard kids’ songs or watched kids’ movies. Animation doesn’t count anymore, they’re almost made for adults these days and I wouldn’t exactly agree that Peter Pan is a kid’s movie, but it was a story we used to read about when we were kids and we saw the Disney cartoon of it. I guess it doesn’t make me sad, just nostalgic. I like remembering about school and uniforms and homework and playgrounds. Life was so much easier then. And we wished we’d grow up fast. I wish I thought more like Peter. Childhood is one of the best phases of a person’s life. The only responsibility most kids have is finishing their homework in time for supper. There’s nothing major to worry about. Even adolescence is not that easy, you have to worry about getting good grades at school so you can get into a good college, with a nice scholarship preferably. And adulthood? I won’t even bother. But I guess everything has a bright side. There are so many good things we experience during our teen years and our adult life. First kiss, first sexual experience, first paycheck, first apartment, graduating high school, graduating college, proms, college parties, getting a drink for yourself, getting drunk, buying things with your own money, going out by ourselves or with friends, watching Casablanca and not complain about it being black and white, acknowledging the value of classic rock and admitting that most music we hear today is just crap, anyway, just the good things in life. I suppose if we all wanted to be like Peter Pan and stay in Neverland forever we’d be missing on a whole lot, just like he did when he let Wendy go.